Sighing...

Romans 8

25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait forit with perseverance.
²⁶ Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. ²⁷ Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according tothe will of God.

Psalm 23

¹ The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
² He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Needing prayer in this time of weakness.

Discovering something about myself

So, today I discovered a few things about myself:

It's really strange to suddenly find myself in the peer-group of people who used to babysit me, reprimand me, and who I used to think were SO much older than I. It's cool and a bit scary reconnecting with people I haven't seen in decades and the last time they saw me was when I was like 5-6 years old...

So, when I asked one of these people who knew me when I was 5-6 years old about what I was like then, I was struck that her observation of my character and personality back then is still actuality: me loving story time, being confident, being comfortable with a variety of situations, and wild :)

A New Year, New Identity

It's been way too long since I've posted on here.

Here are just the few significant things that have happened since:

• I graduated with a BA in Business Administration with honors
• I got to spend Christmas with my family
• I have been to a significant wedding of 2 of my friends from Toccoa
• I have said goodbye to close friends and my whole life in Toccoa
• I have traveled over 1,000 miles in the last 5 days
• I have been sad, grieving, and happy a lot

That all may not sound like a lot, but it's really worn on me physically, emotionally, and mentally. What drains me the most is saying goodbye. Goodbye not only to friends, a school, and a physical location, but also to what it all signifies: security, comfort, normalcy, identity, schedule, and predictability. Truth be told, I did not think I would be so shaken by the removal of these things. After all, am I not the one who always is up for more traveling, adventure, trying out new things, hating routine, and not wanting to "settle." Man.

Also, I find that I'm having to rediscover who I am and that my identity is now so much that of an "adult." No more blaming mistakes, needs, and sillyness to being a "college student." I feel like I was in that system and when I'm suddenly booted out, I have no idea what to do with myself. I don't feel ill-equipped, but reality is so much colder and blunter. Now I'm even more solo, assuming more responsibility, making more decisions, establishing myself. I know that I'm a deep thinker, analytical, sentimental, and emotional. These are things I've known and finding out so much more over the last few weeks. I'll let you know what else I discover about myself.

Transitions. Change. A normal part of life, i guess, but I feel suspended somehow. Like emotionally and mentally, even geographically I'm making a few stops here and there, not knowing my destination or what my purpose will be there. I guess I sorta feel like Abraham in the Bible and reading about him--including the blessings, encouragement, and warnings God gave him--make me realize we're sort of on the same journey of faith.

A "boring" story of salvation: of grace

I always used to be so amused with the super miraculous salvation stories that had drastic stories of "before and after" Jesus. When it came to my turn, I was hesitant about sharing because mine seemed so boring and so ordinary: I grew up in a Christian home where I was loved and taught about the fear of God and love for His word and ways. I was baptized when I was 9, making a public declaration of now walking with God. Since then, I have steadily been growing in the knowledge and relationship with the Almighty. Though feeling lost sometimes, I have not really strayed to the right or left. My story sounds like there was not much grace because I never "messed up" really bad and the change inside of me doesn't seem so miraculous.

Having seen more of the world and having met such a variety of people, I see that my type of story is actually the more rare one. Now you hear a lot of stories of how people have been into drugs, sex, pornography, etc, and then God saved them and their lives have drastically changed. In this day and age, my story is more rare, but not at all less filled with grace. As much as anyone, I am saved by grace and it has been by grace that I can know Jesus Christ and that He has preserved me from the plots of the devil. It is by grace that I am continually growing in the knowledge of God and stay humble.

Romans 12:2+3

² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

³ For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

Fall Break in Ohio!

Well, here I am once again in Ohio with my good friend Laura. Let me tell you what a blessing she has been in my life since meeting her my very first minutes at Toccoa Falls. She has been such a source of joy, inspiration, challenge, comfort, and an adventure-partner. She came to visit my family in Turkey last winter before we went to Israel together.

Anyway, we came up here north to be with her family for our 4-day weekend and it has been filled with fall festivities. The weather has been nice in its chilly-ness and we have adored the variety of colors on all the oak and maple trees. Such rich colors in yellow, orange, brown, green, reds...all reflect the glory of God!! So I have been looking out for different shades of colors like I would be for sea shells and they've been getting flattened by a monstrous encyclopedia :)

So besides taking walks and collecting leaves, I have been sipping hot apple cider, reading, carving out a girly pumpkin, going out with Laura's older sister for coffee and biscotti, thrift shopping, and making Thai food. So good!

James 1:17

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

Homecoming at Toccoa Falls College

This weekend is homecoming here at Toccoa Falls College and I love it!
I love seeing people come here with all their memories, sentiments, tears of joy, and the feelings of youthfulness revisited. People who haven't seen each other for decades now reuniting during brunches, luncheons, socials, ducky races, touring campus...It makes me happy that I go to a school where former students come back and share their stories of how they grew here and all that God taught them here.
I wonder when I will come back again for homecoming. I think it will be a great delight to see people that I went to school some 20 years later all grown up, probably most married and with kids, and catch up on all that has been happening in the last years. I pray that I will have that joy when it comes my time.
For now, I am still content and delighted to be a current student at Toccoa Falls College and am so thankful for that God has allowed me to learn here and all the people I have met.

All praise, glory, and honor to the Lord God of hosts.

Fear and Trust

FEAR. TRUST.

These have been two of my dominant mindsets/emotions in the last few weeks. I am graduating in about 70 days. That is so tangible, so close, so scary.
70 days and I will have a Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration with about 15 hours of coursework in counseling/psychology. But then what? For an international student (and even with "traditional" students) graduation poses a big ? mark. Rather than just being able to be excited about it and celebrate the accomplishment of a college carreer, we have to instead think of what we are going to do next. Going home is not always an option, not every international student has family in the U.S., and then there is the whole homeland security issue with visas and what not. For us, graduation in a way brings us up to a mountain peak and we're expected to make so many life decisions. At high school graduation, we just had to think about college. Now, life stands before us in an uncertain matrix.
The unknown can be scary. It can be a great excuse for adventure and growth, but looking at a "blank" in life is daunting and uncertain. Now days, we also have so many options! I could go any where in the world, doing pretty much anything. That's great, but now there is more we have to leaf and search through.
All of this, and the fear of leaving behind friends, thinking about where I will be in 3 months, how I will find good friends again, how I will do in a full-time, regular job, how I will find a good church, how will I grieve when I leave Toccoa Falls College...all these worry me.
Yet I don't want to. I want to just give it to God and LEAVE it in His able hands. But I keep taking it off His shelf by thinking about it and worry about it.

I'm so glad I found these verses that bring together fear and trust in Isaiah 41:10, 13:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,

Do not fear; I will help you.