Monday, January 4, 2010

A New Year, New Identity

It's been way too long since I've posted on here.
Here are just the few significant things that have happened since:

  • I graduated with a BA in Business Administration with honors
  • I got to spend Christmas with my family
  • I have been to a significant wedding of 2 of my friends from Toccoa
  • I have said goodbye to close friends and my whole life in Toccoa
  • I have traveled over 1,000 miles in the last 5 days
  • I have been sad, grieving, and happy a lot
That all may not sound like a lot, but it's really worn on me physically, emotionally, and mentally. What drains me the most is saying goodbye. Goodbye not only to friends, a school, and a physical location, but also to what it all signifies: security, comfort, normalcy, identity, schedule, and predictability. Truth be told, I did not think I would be so shaken by the removal of these things. After all, am I not the one who always is up for more traveling, adventure, trying out new things, hating routine, and not wanting to "settle." Man.

Also, I find that I'm having to rediscover who I am and that my identity is now so much that of an "adult." No more blaming mistakes, needs, and sillyness to being a "college student." I feel like I was in that system and when I'm suddenly booted out, I have no idea what to do with myself. I don't feel ill-equipped, but reality is so much colder and blunter. Now I'm even more solo, assuming more responsibility, making more decisions, establishing myself. I know that I'm a deep thinker, analytical, sentimental, and emotional. These are things I've known and finding out so much more over the last few weeks. I'll let you know what else I discover about myself.

Transitions. Change. A normal part of life, i guess, but I feel suspended somehow. Like emotionally and mentally, even geographically I'm making a few stops here and there, not knowing my destination or what my purpose will be there. I guess I sorta feel like Abraham in the Bible and reading about him--including the blessings, encouragement, and warnings God gave him--make me realize we're sort of on the same journey of faith.

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