These have been two of my dominant mindsets/emotions in the last few weeks. I am graduating in about 70 days. That is so tangible, so close, so scary.
70 days and I will have a Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration with about 15 hours of coursework in counseling/psychology. But then what? For an international student (and even with "traditional" students) graduation poses a big ? mark. Rather than just being able to be excited about it and celebrate the accomplishment of a college carreer, we have to instead think of what we are going to do next. Going home is not always an option, not every international student has family in the U.S., and then there is the whole homeland security issue with visas and what not. For us, graduation in a way brings us up to a mountain peak and we're expected to make so many life decisions. At high school graduation, we just had to think about college. Now, life stands before us in an uncertain matrix.
The unknown can be scary. It can be a great excuse for adventure and growth, but looking at a "blank" in life is daunting and uncertain. Now days, we also have so many options! I could go any where in the world, doing pretty much anything. That's great, but now there is more we have to leaf and search through.
All of this, and the fear of leaving behind friends, thinking about where I will be in 3 months, how I will find good friends again, how I will do in a full-time, regular job, how I will find a good church, how will I grieve when I leave Toccoa Falls College...all these worry me.
Yet I don't want to. I want to just give it to God and LEAVE it in His able hands. But I keep taking it off His shelf by thinking about it and worry about it.
I'm so glad I found these verses that bring together fear and trust in Isaiah 41:10, 13:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you.